Maintaining any kind of relationship is hard. Occasionally we are hurt, irritated, and exhausted mentally because of all the issues, subtle tensions, and misunderstandings that rise up between you and others. We all know that everything has its time, which means every relationship has its end for better or worse, and that it is tragic if the one you love most is the one you have to put an end to.
However, there is a simple, yet difficult mindset to follow to maintain any relationship for good. I am confident in myself that I am expert at this, and I would like to share the mindset that I have developed to optimize my life as well as others’ at the times: Accept and love them more.
I am not here to tell how generous or thoughtful of a person I am, but this is simply little things that I have been told from my friends who always help me through difficult times and spoil me in every way they can use to make me feel that I am a capable being!
And in order to conduct this simple way to maintain your relationship with others, you always have to have these four guidelines:
Do not dislike or hate others ever in the first place.
Always have your opinion regardless of others’ opinion.
Find people who share this mindset, and be friend with them.
Show your true colors to them (Be honest)
Compromise as much as you can
I know that you might say that it is impossible not to dislike people when they hurt you. However, look, don’t let your ego get in your way to make you greedy and ugly. Here’s how to deal with each situations:
- When you meet others for the first time
One of the things I am not appreciating is when my friend always looks at people, and tries to bring up funny jokes that are race oriented. As matter of fact, I hate it when he does that. Just leave them alone. Well anyway, what I do when I meet new people is to ask questions and listen to what they say. And accept whatever things they say. If they are vague about the point they are making, I will ask them about it to let them talk more in detail. I love people who have been having different experiences and have been going through different paths, but have these 4 principles in common. If they have different opinions, without these 4 principles it will be hard for me to arrange the time I hang can out with them. And in order to categorize them into either friend or acquaintance, I will ask questions to them to get to know them. In addition to that, I will make an eye contact, have firm handshake and polite greeting to them.
- When you hurt others
This can happen at any time unintentionally or intentionally when you go back on a promise, when you break up with your partner, when you back-stab your friend, when you treat others like dirt. If you are the type of person who always hurts others, please don’t continue telling yourself that you are not a good person; instead learn from your mistakes and figure out how to make a positive impact in the future.
In this situation, you will not recover your reputation until they accept and forgive you, and one thing that I would like to you remember is that you don’t have to rub in the past any longer if you regret your past already. There is no need for you to blame yourself on you for the rest of your life. A thing you can do to those you hurt is basically apologize and give them space until they cool down, and please have the mindset to accept yourself and love yourself more, which will better your relationship later in your life.
- When you get hurt.
This happened to me quite often when I was a teenager much more than I hurt others. However, I have learned lessons in each instance in order to maintain the relationship with those who once have hurt me. What I do when I get hurt is give myself time and space to simmer myself down until I finally get myself back on my feet to have a fresh start, and while I try to pick up these pieces of broken heart to reunite my feelings, I constantly tell myself that it was my fault for them to hurt me in the first place, and also I tell myself that I was not good enough for them to keep me in their lives.
Please don’t get ahead of yourself thinking that I am not confident enough to say that it was not my fault. It is my way to accept and love people more. The more I get hurt, the stronger and better I become. Plus another truth is that I do not victimize myself while thinking that it was my fault; rather , I appreciate those people who have hurt me since they are always the ones who taught me how useless, meaningless, hopeless of a man I am in this world; enough to beef up myself. I love myself more thinking that I can be much better. It goes without saying that without their hurting me, I would have been a totally confident man with no appreciation toward anything.
Because of that reason, I won’t dislike or hate them for the dare of my life. Of course, there were days that I hated on them, but those days are gone and fortunately left some food for thought for me that reshaped my discipline of how to deal with people like that. And for that reason, I always open my door for them to come back any time to reshape whatever the relationship is, and this time I will love them more with a leveled up version of me.
- When you are in an argument
My friends and I argue a lot, and at the end of the day, they always ask me if I dislike or hate them due to the quarrels we had, and I always tell them that I do not dislike or hate them just because of our jumping at each others’ throats. They always look at my eyes with a little bit of doubt.
What I think about arguing with people is that it is the time for us to be honest with each other, and gives us a chance to make one’s point clear so that it won’t make things difficult between people later. However, how you control the situation afterward will differentiate the way of the relationship you and others will have later. What I do is just act natural and accept and love them more. There is no point for you to get upset in an argument since the bottom line of the argument is to make your point clear to let them know how you feel about things you are arguing over. It doesn’t matter if they bring up opposite opinions and argue back. You made your point clear, and if they do not accept it, it is not your fault. You only need to tell them how you feel, listen to them and accept them even if they don’t do it back to you.
Speaking of accepting others in an argument, one of the ideas I like to think about is “do not dislike others in the first place ever”. If you dislike and hate someone in the first place, having an angry argument with them will only create dead-end chaos and a deadly relationship between you and them. So do not dislike and hate them in the first place, and always have the mindset to accept them. Surprisingly, this will only make the relationship much more solid. And do not forget to act naturally. I am not saying that you need to pretend, but I am saying that you need just to act naturally as your habit; in other words, you have to develop this skill practically through arguing with others over and over and learn how to control your emotions.
I believe that most of people have these four disciplines in their hearts, but the only thing that will help you most in your life with others is the ability to compromise. However, the tricky part is that this cannot be done by yourself. This has to be done between you and others. If one of you all can not meet the other halfway, that is a dead end relation, and not to mention exhausting.
But this is not that difficult actually: please look around at people, friends, family; they are so happy with each other, and I believe that those people are the ones who care about each other with these 5 principles. Well now that I think about it, when you want to have a good friend, family and partner, they have to have those principle and must be able to compromise.
It is something you can do and you can be if you want to, and the time you meet these people is the time you will have a good relationship that lasts for good!
Well after all, I now realize that I can put these 1615 words in two simple words: “Unconditional Love”. Well, thank you, Micheal Jackson for giving me this kind of mindset through your songs.
What is your way to get along with others? Share with RedDeer International!
Give it up for those who provide beautiful pictures: