The Reason We Go To University.

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Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash

There are tens of thousands of students going to universities in the world in the hope of getting educated for the future. It is understandable that they go to university for this purpose. Unlike any other time in history, job markets are becoming much tougher and competitive than ever as time progresses. The chances are that you might not be able to get a well paying job even with a college degree. In other words, without a college degree, realistically speaking, you are considered uneducated, and will have less opportunities to obtain a job unless you were born with talent, making you stick out above the general public. Hence, going to college in modern times is one of the most important components in your life and must-do at the same time.

william-bout-264826However, the reason you go to college should not be just to become educated so that you can have an upper hand over others; rather, getting educated should be just one of reasons. There is another central reason why you should go to college: Spreading and building your network with others.

I spoke with a man that works at a college in Florida, USA as a member of the cleaning staff. He is 64 years old and graduated from college when he was 22 years old. I happened to have a chance to chat with him several times and in our conversations he asked me, “What are the reasons you go to university?” I answered, “to get educated so that I can have a decent job after graduation.” He nodded once and after quite a long silence, he told me that going to

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Photo by Daniel Jacobs on Unsplash

college was not all about becoming educated enough to have a job later but also about strengthening your network that you will be able to use later in your life. He also articulated the point: good jobs in general were not on the net nor posted on a job hunting website, and most of time, those opportunities fell into your lap through connections/strings you had to pull.

The point gathered is that you do not know who is going to be successful and who is going to be a big shot later in future; furthermore, the current student generation is the next in line that will create business down the road, which means that more connections you have in your network, the more chances you will have to get involved in successful events.

College is the place where people with variety of interests and different backgrounds assemble making it easy to widen your network more than in any other place. There is no other place where you have time to discuss with someone new and learn what they are interested in and passionate about. According to the website, CollegeData, medium sized colleges have between 5,000 and 15,000 students, and large sized universities usually have more than 15,000 students. These numbers mean that you potentially create vast networks during your time at college if you chose to do so. And as we already all know, each person has his or her unique life style and path they are taking. If you can get associated to each one of them, you would have many chances later to expose yourself to the variety of fields in not only business but also in leisure time which spices up your life.

If you are on the fence whether or not to go to college or wondering the meaning of going to college, consider thinking of college as a place to network. It will help you broaden your perspectives and views toward the purpose of college, and it will also bring you benefits.


Give it up for those who provides beautiful pictures:

Rob Bye Caleb Woods William Bout Daniel Jacobs

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What Role Do You Play in a Team

Of the diverse kinds of people with different values and beliefs, good team members can be broken down into five categories: the thinker, the inspiration, the giver, the executive and the idealist.

The Thinker

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Taken By Ben White from Unsplash

Logical and intellectual, the thinker is excited by ideas and theories. Thinkers are absorbed by their thoughts and can spend long periods of time deep inside their minds. They are less stimulated by the external and find more satisfaction delving into their own thoughts. Usually quiet and reserved, the thinker is mysterious and hard for people to get to know.

The Inspiration

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Taken By Angello Lopez from Unsplash

The inspiration is capable of rallying people around them and lifting their spirits. Creative and enthusiastic, they refuse to let society shape their lives and must live in accordance with their intuition. Inspirations do not hesitate to express themselves and their eloquent qualities make them great leaders: people are drawn to their open mindedness.

The Giver

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Taken and/or Provided by Rawpixel.com from Unsplash

Possessing outstanding people skills, the giver is popular and sensitive to other’s needs. The giver thrives in the company of others and they find joy in making people happy. Their empathetic nature makes them effective leaders with the ability manage teams. Selfless and pious, they relinquish the needs of their ego for the good of the whole group.

The Executive

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Taken by Anete Lūsiņa from Unsplash

With their strong personalities, the executive works well under pressure and is comfortable with making tough decisions. Their strong organizational skills are invaluable to big projects and group efforts. The executive values precision and efficiency, making them very productive individuals who often acquire important titles and leadership positions.

The Idealist

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Taken by Brooke Cagle from Unsplash

Well learned and strong willed, the idealist has a well-developed value system that edifies society. They are fiercely loyal and will fight for their beliefs with great zeal.
If your personality fits any of the above descriptions, you maybe an invaluable member of any team so get involved and get the collaborative efforts going!

 

 


Please give it up for those people who provide beautiful pictures:

Saksham Gangwar Angello Lopez Ben White rawpixel.com Anete Lūsiņa Brooke Cagle

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Man Up And Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

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Photo by Charlie Foster on Unsplash

The truth hurts. Relationships are always hard when it comes to the time when you realize that both of you do not share the same feeling to each other. You might like or love them, but they do not return the sentiment. They just think of you as a friend or acquaintance.  I just ended one self centered love I had for a girl. I would like to keep this as a lesson in my heart, and I share you what I have learned. I hope when I get older, I will read this again and tell my kids not to make the same mistakes. Or if they do, I would like them to know how to make different ones than I did.

Over the past year I experienced stupid selfish egoistic love toward a girl. She already told me that she could not do it anymore and she did not want a relationship with me, but I could not stop thinking about her and kept lying to myself and her as well saying that I was just her friend. And after that, I was literally obsessed with the thought of trying to get attention back from her. I tried everything I could do. I endured most of the things that you can come up with if you are in love with someone who is not in love with you: listening to her when she was weak and not good in terms with her boyfriend, and supporting her emotionally when she was upset.

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Photo by Pelly Benassi on Unsplash

Do you know how it feels to be close to a girl you like but who likes someone else? It is a nightmare. You listen to her talking about her boyfriend and all you can do is just accept the reality and it is gut-clenching knowing that she would never be yours.  I wanted to tell her that I was still in love with her so many times. However, I chickened out at every turn. At some points, I told her that “I do not want you to text me anymore when you feel lonely and I do not like someone who is blind in love” which was partially true- but at the same time a total lie. I was honest in that I did not want her to talk about her boyfriend. I was trying to forget about her so that it would be easier for me to move on with my life. Yet, I still wanted to communicate with her.

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Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

This happened because I had trouble accepting that she was having an incredibly amazing time with him – more than I had with her.  There was nothing I could do about it then. I then made up my mind not to text her so that I would be able to forget about her eventually. I would look at the text that I was going to send her over and over, feeling uneasy and exhausted… and then I sent it. When I got a text from her saying, “have a good life,” it hurt my feelings. I thought I must be a person she did not care about that much, but in the same breath I felt that I released myself from the pitiful uncertainty and I finally did something for myself.  However, it was true that I was still thinking about her even she stopped texting me. But it was good to break it off since I was almost lost myself.

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Photo by Daryan Shamkhali on Unsplash

Sometimes I checked her on Facebook and I saw pictures everywhere that she was very happy with her boyfriend and there were no photos of me. Then I gradually snapped back into reality that she was now out of my life totally, and told myself that I had to move on. As the days went by, I started to think about her less and more about school and work. Sometimes, whenever I smelled her perfume on a train, I thought of her and made me breathless.

One time, I was hanging out with a different girl (who was from Finland) on my birthday. She was kind enough to spend time with me. We walked around my city until around 10 P.M. She was nice and really smart, however, the other girl was still in my head and that prevented me from taking one step. And I just said to the Finnish girl, “Thank you for coming” and took her to the nearest station. And that was the time I realized that I could not move on until I made sure how she felt about me again.  The more I thought about her, the more upset I became. Friends told me that I looked depressed sometimes. I was tired enough but put my smile on my face. I did not even give attention to people who were judging me. I wrote an article long time ago (article on December 20th love yourself first).

Then, I bought a ticket for the U.S. I was not going back to the U.S just to talk to her, but also to make business plans with my friend.

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Photo by Talal Ahmad on Unsplash

In retrospect, If I had gone back there just to see her and make sure, I would have been the stupidest person in the world. On my birthday, I hoped she would text me. She did not.  The next day, I received a text from her saying “happy belated birthday“. And I was so happy in that I got a text from her! I remembered how happy she was with her boyfriend and remembered all the joyful pictures on Facebook, so I played it cool as if I was really not interested in her anymore. This was a lie.  She asked me if I wanted to go to Cuba with her. I told her that I might if I had money. I mean come on, it would be stupid to go to another country with a girl who you know has a boyfriend.

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Photo by Jacob Morrison on Unsplash

So I came back to the U.S and I saw her again. It was all great. She was beautiful as usual and more sophisticated than ever – and still with her boyfriend. I was hoping that she would leave him soon so that I would be able to have a conversation and ask her if she was interested in me or not. This was foolish.

My closest friend would constantly tell me that I had been insanely stupid and helpless as hell, and begged me not to see her anymore and told me all the bad things that could happen. I ignored their warnings, because I was thinking about her again. It was true that I was on the top of the world when I was with her, but I did not tell her. I was such a coward. There have been moments that I could have told her about my feelings a lot of times but I kept lying to myself and her.

There was a moment I was mad at her.  I regretted that I was mad quickly, but it was an honest feeling. And of course that got her uncomfortable and made her distant. Since then, I was not able to see her for almost three weeks. This was the hardest part of the trip, and I wanted to confirm that we were done before she was disappeared from my life.

Since I could not see her, I decided to text her. I started texting all the feelings I had for her over the last year. The text was massive – almost a whole book – and she was kind enough to read through all of them. This time I was fully honest with my feelings. Never in my life had I poured out my feelings as I did in this text. I did not have much time in the United States and I thought I would not have time to see her again. After I typed all of feelings and sent them, I felt that I was finally free. The text was cathartic. And at the end of the day, I found out (as was obvious as it was at the beginning) that she was not interested in me at all.

But it was good at least to me that I could hear it again straight from her mouth. And she made me realize that I was so demanding and obsessed as hell. I realized that I was being really egoistical and that I had done all this for myself and not thinking about her life or reactions. And she told me that I did not have to be her friend. Oh well, the truth hurts, you know. And I had to admit the fact that I probably did not love her but was just being needy and childish because someone got her and I did not, and I should care about her happiness as well as my own. People make stupid choices, but it only helps us learn something new and teaches us how we just are going to apply it to the next situation.

So what I learned is:

  1. Don’t be so dramatic (even that is the way you are).
  2. Don’t hang out with someone if you are not willing be a friend to them in the first place.
  3. Do not lie to yourself and whoever you are dealing with.
  4. If you love someone after a rejection, just leave them alone.
  5. Get to know the truth as fast as you can.
  6. Do not postpone your decision until it is too late and waste your time.    
  7. If you are such a dramatic guy as I am, I recommend you to make fast moves otherwise you will waste your time.
  8. Don’t love someone too much when they do not love you

But at the end of the day, communicate well. Be open with your friends and lovers. If it is hard to end a relationship, do it anyway, because it is not healthy for you in the long run.

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Photo by Ryan Franco on Unsplash

Give it up for those who provide beautiful pictures:

Charlie Foster Pelly Benassi Andrew Neel Daryan Shamkhali Talal Ahmad Jacob Morrison Ryan Franco

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5 tips to accept and love more

Maintaining any kind of relationship is hard. Occasionally we are hurt, irritated, and exhausted mentally because of all the issues, subtle tensions, and…

Maintaining any kind of relationship is hard. Occasionally we are hurt, irritated, and exhausted mentally because of all the issues, subtle tensions, and misunderstandings that rise up between you and others. We all know that everything has its time, which means every relationship has its end for better or worse, and that it is tragic if the one you love most is the one you have to put an end to.

However, there is a simple, yet difficult mindset to follow to maintain any relationship for good. I am confident in myself that I am expert at this, and I would like to share the mindset that I have developed to optimize my life as well as others’ at the times: Accept and love them more.

I am not here to tell how generous or thoughtful of a person I am, but this is simply little things that I have been told from my friends who always help me through difficult times and spoil me in every way they can use to make me feel that I am a capable being!

And in order to conduct this simple way to maintain your relationship with others, you always have to have these four guidelines:

  1. Do not dislike or hate others ever in the first place.

  2. Always have your opinion regardless of others’ opinion.

  3. Find people who share this mindset, and be friend with them.

  4. Show your true colors to them (Be honest)

  5. Compromise as much as you can

I know that you might say that it is impossible not to dislike people when they hurt you. However, look, don’t let your ego get in your way to make you greedy and ugly. Here’s how to deal with each situations:

  1. When you meet others for the first time
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Photo by rawpixel.com on Unsplash

One of the things I am not appreciating is when my friend always looks at people, and tries to bring up funny jokes that are race oriented. As matter of fact, I hate it when he does that. Just leave them alone. Well anyway, what I do when I meet new people is to ask questions and listen to what they say. And accept whatever things they say. If they are vague about the point they are making, I will ask them about it to let them talk more in detail. I love people who have been having different experiences and have been going through different paths, but have these 4 principles in common. If they have different opinions, without these 4 principles it will be hard for me to arrange the time I hang can out with them. And in order to categorize them into either friend or acquaintance, I will ask questions to them to get to know them. In addition to that, I will make an eye contact, have firm handshake and polite greeting to them.

  1. When you hurt others
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Photo by Christian Sterk on Unsplash

This can happen at any time unintentionally or intentionally when you go back on a promise, when you break up with your partner, when you back-stab your friend, when you treat others like dirt. If you are the type of person who always hurts others, please don’t continue telling yourself that you are not a good person; instead learn from your mistakes and figure out how to make a positive impact in the future.

In this situation, you will not recover your reputation  until they accept and forgive you, and one thing that I would like to you remember is that you don’t have to rub in the past any longer if you regret your past already. There is no need for you to blame yourself on you for the rest of your life. A thing you can do to those you hurt is basically apologize and give them space  until they  cool down, and please have the mindset to accept yourself and love yourself more, which will better your relationship later in your life.

  1. When you get hurt.
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Photo by Jose A.Thompson on Unsplash

This happened to me quite often when I was a teenager much more than I hurt others. However, I have learned lessons in each instance in order to maintain the relationship with those who once have hurt me. What I do when I get hurt is give myself time and space to simmer myself down until I finally get myself back on my feet to have a fresh start, and while I try to pick up these pieces of broken heart to reunite my feelings, I constantly tell myself that it was my fault for them to hurt me in the first place, and also I tell myself that I was not good enough for them to keep me in their lives.

Please don’t get ahead of yourself thinking that I am not confident enough to say that it was not my fault. It is my way to accept and love people more. The more I get hurt, the stronger and better I become. Plus another truth is that I do not victimize myself while thinking that it was my fault; rather , I appreciate those people who have hurt me since they are always the ones who taught me how useless, meaningless, hopeless of a man I am in this world; enough to beef up myself. I love myself more thinking that I can be much better. It goes without saying that without their hurting me, I would have been a totally confident man with no appreciation toward anything.

Because of that reason, I won’t dislike or hate them for the dare of my life. Of course, there were days that I hated on them, but those days are gone and fortunately left some food for thought for me that reshaped my discipline of how to deal with people like that. And for that reason, I always open my door for them to come back any time to reshape whatever the relationship is, and this time I will love them more with a leveled up version of me.

  1. When you are in an argument
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Photo by Benjamin Balázs on Unsplash

My friends and I argue a lot, and at the end of the day, they always ask me if I dislike or hate  them due to the quarrels we had, and I always tell them that I do not dislike or hate them just because of our jumping at each others’ throats. They always look at my eyes with a little bit of doubt.

What I think about arguing with people is that it is the time for us to be honest with each other, and gives us a chance to make one’s point clear so that it won’t make things difficult between people later. However, how you control the situation afterward will differentiate the way of the relationship you and others will have later. What I do is just act natural and accept and love them more. There is no point for you to get upset in an argument since the bottom line of the argument is to make your point clear to let them know how you feel about things you are arguing over. It doesn’t matter if they bring up opposite opinions and argue back. You made your point clear, and if they do not accept it, it is not your fault.  You only need to tell them how you feel, listen to them and accept them even if they don’t do it back to you.

Speaking of accepting others in an argument, one of the ideas I like to think about is “do not dislike others in the first place ever”. If you dislike and hate someone in the first place, having an angry argument with them will only create dead-end chaos and a deadly relationship between you and them. So do not dislike and hate them in the first place, and always have the mindset to accept them. Surprisingly, this will only make the relationship much more solid. And do not forget to act naturally. I am not saying that you need to pretend, but I am saying that you need just to act naturally as your habit; in other words, you have to develop this skill practically through arguing with others over and over and learn how to control your emotions.

5. compromise.

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Photo by Katie Hawrysh on Unsplash. Meet them in the halfway even if it’s impossible

I believe that most of people have these four disciplines in their hearts, but the only thing that will help you most in your life with others is the ability to compromise. However, the tricky part is that this cannot be done by yourself. This has to be done between you and others. If one of you all can not meet the other halfway, that is a dead end relation, and not to mention exhausting.

But this is not that difficult actually: please look around at people, friends, family; they are so happy with each other, and I believe that those people are the ones who care about each other with these 5 principles. Well now that I think about it, when you want to have a good friend, family and partner, they have to have those principle and must be able to compromise.

It is something you can do and you can be if you want to, and the time you meet these people is the time you will have a good relationship that lasts for good!

Well after all, I now realize that I can put these 1615 words in two simple words: “Unconditional Love”. Well, thank you, Micheal Jackson for giving me this kind of mindset through your songs.

What is your way to get along with others? Share with RedDeer International!


Give it up for those who provide beautiful pictures:

Chelsea Bock rawpixel.com Benjamin Balázs Christian Sterk Jose A.Thompson Katie Hawrysh

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3 Reasons Why You Should Travel

If you are a teenager or twenty-someting, you have a lot of time and energy to spend on exploring the world. Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which you thought you did not fit into the society that you were in? If the answer is Yes, please proceed reading.

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Photo by Josh Nezon on Unsplash

I was talking about random stuff with one of people I befriended on campus, who is from Argentina. While we are talking,  we started to talk about passions each one of us have. I explained what I had been doing for my dream, and he also talked about his goal and the way he perceived the world. Honestly, what he told me was inspiring and he offered  intriguing ideas I had never thought of up until that moment. He explained how important it is to travel the world in our lives, especially when we are young. There three reasons he excitedly told me are:

1. Abandon time to spend for ourselves unlike people in their 40s.

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Photo by Josh Nezon on Unsplash

Of course, when we are 20-something, we still have freedom to some extent even though most of us start working at companies. Yet it is still believed that even if you failed on what  you are doing, you would most likely be able to start to reshape your life from scratch again if you are still 20-something . It sounds old-school cliche, but it stays true. How many elderly people already have told you to do the thing you love the most? Furthermore, I have heard a lot about their unrealized ideas and inventions that elderly people have been keeping in their minds for their entire lives, and they told me that they should have done it when they were young. As you can tell from regrets such as these, we simply might better living up the moment as much as we can. Traveling around the world will definitely be the one of must-dos when it comes to doing something young people can: they have the privilege to do so.

2. Know the people, know the countries, and know the world. 

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Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

This totally depends on each individual, however if I had to say one thing, I would say that you might not want to miss the boat before it is too late to notice that you should have done it. When you travel all over the world, it is highly likely that you will encounter moments you have never expected. You cannot anticipate the challenges you will face such as visiting country that have differences in culture, values, societal function, and the way people think about their lives. And each experience you  go through actually will help you a lot to broaden your view of the outside of the world. The Argentinean man said to me ” With the experiences you would likely go through during traveling the world, you will gain another aspect of the way of life through interactions with cultures and people  there, and it will help you to figure out where is the right place for you to settle“. It does sound dramatic, however, it is human nature that some people just do not fit right in the place where they currently stay.

3. Figure out the right place to fit in    

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Photo by Raghu Nayyar on Unsplash

This one is actually the whole point of his talking about the way he sees the world. He does not just travel the world to have good time to take his mind off of the hectic ongoing mind game in society which wears him down, but he does travel to find a place truly for him to be able to blend in. It indeed takes time until we find a place like this, but it is worth trying in order to spend our lives happy. For instance, I live in Japan, and I do occasionally feel that I do not belong to Japanese society the way I should. Rather, I feel much more connected with American society in that I am the type of boy who clearly shows his thoughts and feelings in words to people. He articulated the point by saying, “And this can be only done when you are young“. 

Why don’t you consider these three points,  pack your stuff and get out of your country. When you come back, you might become a totally different person more than you can imagine now.  You are not belonging to a country, you are belonging to the world!

 


Give it to those who provide beautiful pictures:

Rathish Gandhi Josh Nezon Wil Stewart Omar Lopez Raghu Nayyar

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Top 8 Tips for Living in the Now

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The present is the most precious thing there is in the universe. Don’t let the world tell you that success is anything but a successful moment.

1. Take responsibility
If you find yourself in an intolerable situation, remove yourself from it, change it or accept it. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose 1 of those 3 options. Focus on your immediate surroundings; use your senses; look at what is in front of you right now. Be content in the present moment, circumstances and environment.

2. Always say yes to the present moment.
Accept the present moment, then act. Whatever the universe presents to you in the moment, accept it as if you had chosen it; always work with it and not against it.

3. Live, learn, adapt, and grow
Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. Realizing this, use it to undergo unpleasant or unexpected moments by experiencing its totality and growing. Hard times are meant to refine your consciousness, propelling it forward and shaping it to reach its highest potential.

4. Lighten Up
Don’t take life too seriously! Just lighten up. More often than not, your worries and anxieties stem from an unstable and an unbalanced mind–caused internally as opposed to externally. Careers, relationships, money, school: all these trivial things are values that society forces onto your consciousness. The most important thing in life is happiness; so, learn to let go and experience happiness. Happiness is not something you create; it is something you let into your life. Think of light: it is not something you create but something you open your window to, allowing the sun to illuminate your home.

5. Realize That Love is Not Outside of You
Love is a state of being; it is not outside, but rather, deep within you. You can never lose it. Life gets messy, sometimes covering and burying your innate ability to activate the state of love. Make a habit of regularly cleansing your internal being, which purifies karma that accumulates in your consciousness. Just as you clean a room regularly as dust clutters, you must clear the clutter in your consciousness.

6. Strip Negativity Immediately
The more you dwell on the negative, the more obsessed you become with it. Negativity can start as something minuscule and insignificant; but if left unattended, it can manifest into something debilitating and oppressive: guilt, anxiety, anger and depression. Regularly identify and recognize negative thoughts and entities in your consciousness before they manifest in your mind and actions.

7. Complain Less
When you complain, you make yourself a victim; to complain is non-acceptance of what is. It is the nature of the mind to complain, but not the nature of the soul. Learn how to dissociate the mind from the being, separating the permanent entity that accepts all circumstances from the reactive mind that is deluded by the senses.

8. See Things as for the First Time
This one pretty similar to the first way. But it can be useful when you have a hard time just observing your surroundings.

That’s when you can look at things as for the first time. Imagine it like that, take that role. Like someone who has never experienced this before. Like a child or someone who has never been here before. I like this one and I have been doing it from time to time for years (although back then I didn’t really understand why it felts nice when I did it).

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Signs of a Bloodsucking Frenemy

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In most cases, people are highly particular about their romantic partners: looks, personality, morals, career – the standards are high! However, the same cannot be said for close friends; people are not as picky about finding close confidants to share their personal lives with; but, you should not just allow anyone into your life. Your close circle of friends needs to be like an elite basketball team; everyone has to be up to standards and anyone who doesn’t meet them gets cut from the team.

1. Unsupportive
People who are unsupportive of your dreams and goals are dangerous to your well-being. Your all-star cast of friends needs to be completely enthusiastic about anything you want to do; whether it’s music, sports or business, a true friend helps you achieve your dreams. Even if the person is not necessarily critical, an attitude of indifference is unacceptable.

2. Unavailable
If a person is always too busy, too far, or too caught up, what is the point of having him/her as a friend? A friend is supportive of things going on in your life, whatever hardship or difficulty it is. You should be able to call your friend and spill all of your problems; you should be able to lean on a friend’s shoulder.

3. Self-absorbed
The person who is only concerned about his/her problems, always absorbed in his/her life, and never gives attention to you gets cut from your team. A friendship is a 50/50 balance: you support their life, they support your life; you don’t need someone in your personal space who is only concerned about his or her self.

4. Negative Vampires
The negative vampire is prime suspect number one! This person is drama 24/7, always has a traumatic story to tell, always fighting with someone, always dragging you into conflict. This life absorbing, negative person needs to be cut off immediately; you don’t need someone taking your energy away.

5. The Opportunist
This person is only interested in getting something from you, riding off your coat tail and mooching off of your fruits. This person has nothing to offer your life, but rather, benefits from all of your success and wealth. In the end, you will feel used and drained from the opportunities; so,  they…got to GO!

Treat members in your circle of close friends sacred; so, don’t just let anyone in. They need to be strong across the board: supportive, positive, available, worthy of your time. A core group of positive friends is vital to a successful and fulfilling life.

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What makes you mature?

Are you selfish or immature? Or do you think you are well educated and mature?

It does not matter if you are younger or older when it comes to the degree of maturity you have. Some adults are not really mature in my opinion, whereas some young people are smart and know what to do to deal with their lives. I strongly believe that being mature is really important in our lives . It does not matter if you have a job or career or something, it does not necessarily make you a grown-up man.

I was in a bathroom on a bullet train and did not know how to lock the door, so I asked a guy who seemed to be 50- something randomly,

“Hey, would you mind if I ask you to tell me how to lock this door?”

He gave me a glance without saying anything. What is this? I can not understand what those who do not say anything think in their heads. At least he could have said,

“I don’t know or I don’t have time to tell you how.”

I have been told how to behave respectfully to others since I was just a kid, and I would definitely have said something like that if I had been asked back then.

Those older people who have been living in society for a long time do not even know how to deal with these situations.

Yes, life is not always fair. Life is tough and fun. You do not know what is lurking around the corner, therefore you have to prepare for the unfairness. You have to be strong and mature enough to deal with troublesome situations.

What are the differences between mature and immature people?


Immature

  1. You do not have time to think and care about others because you put yourself first in any situation

If you think you are really modest and thoughtful to others, you do not conduct something that hurts others’ feelings. I know human beings are not perfect and never will be, but at least they can try their best to begin with. This is applicable to any situation, not only in the workplace but also relations with your friends and people close to you. I will mention this later, but everything in your life is all about trust with others; if you cannot not build that trust, you are done in this world.

  1. You do not think about consequences your choice will bring down the road

This is critical as long as you live in this human society where everything you do gives you responsibilities. Some people do things in the spur of the moment and live their lives following their hearts all the time. I am not saying that you have to pretend to be nice and predict what is going to happen to you at any given moment, but I am saying that you have to be aware of the consequences your choice will potentially produce. And please do not lie to people. Be honest always. If you lie and are dishonest to others, you will absolutely have no choice but to put yourself at the corner of the room in the end where you can not move anywhere. If you lie, you will be covered up with lies all over your body and soul which leads you to feeling sorry for yourself  later. So be careful with every choice you make from now on. Be cautious.

  1. You judge people by their age, appearance, ethnicity and background

As I said, it does not matter if you are younger or older. When it comes to the degree of maturity, it is all about how well you can care about others along with yourself at the same time. I never judge people until I talk to them face to face. Only after a long time knowing them is when I start judging them. I have been talking to wide ranges of people in terms of education, ethnicity and age. It is always true that I look up to those who are “NICE and KIND” and don’t judge others.

  1. You don’t think ahead and say things unnecessarily in the heat of moment 

Everyone has experienced this at least once. You say something you do not really mean, and regret  what you have said later on. It happened to me when I was a kid to my friends and parents, but as you get older, you start appreciating what you have now. Of curse it doesn’t get easier overnight to control  yourself and your emotions in the heat of the moment, but let’s just step back and take a look at the big picture and think in the long run before you say something. It takes much effort and time to learn how to deal with these situation.

  1. You kick yourself all the time and do not take any actions to make it better 

Some people who have people skills really do not kick themselves all the time. They know themselves well and know how to get across their points efficiently to others. Everything they say they are sure enough that is exactly what they want to tell to people, plus they are aware of pros and cons of it. They are following their hearts in a different way from those who are pretending to follow their hearts with a little bit of doubt in the back of their minds. They confirm that they can deal with both pros and cons of a stiuation, in other words, they are confidence in themselves. They can quickly answer those questions which might sound challenging and controversial. I am not mature enough yet , but at least I do have a consistent discipline in myself I have to follow, which gives me a clear idea of what to do and how to deal with people. When I kick myself, I always take an action to make it better and learn from it bit by bit.

  1. You go back on promises unreasonably 

Some are really faithful to their words and some are not. Some say “I will do this for you” and then say “I can not” without giving any reasons, leaving you choking in their dust. You will get confused and hurt just a little bit. If they keep doing this, they are done as a person. When you promise something, you have to make suere if it is really possible for you to do that beforehand. If you are not sure, you might want to say, “I can not do that because I am not sure about it” with some explanations of why you are not sure. Be honest always.

  1. You cannot bear being alone 

There is always time you feel lonely if you live on the surface of the earth as a human being. It is inevitable and it is also human nature. I have been feeling lonely as a matter of fact for a year. I always hope I have someone who will listen to me in the time of trouble, sitting side by side, but that does not happen always. Most of time I have to tell myself, “I can do this by myself”, ” If I do not do it, who else do it for me?” Burdens can just fall onto your shoulders and make it hard to breath when you do not have someone to talk to. However, those who have been through this experiences at least for 3 or 4 years as a total know how difficult it is and can develop sense of toughness. You can always be needy, and that is life.

  1. You have no consistency in your words 

You see people saying something and then later say something different and it makes you confused enough to dislike them. If you are the type of person who does not have consistency in your words, be careful when you interact with others, otherwise you will lose your credibility easily.  Imagine yourself having a friend who promised you to hang out at the park next weekend, but he/she then says something like “I am sorry I can not do that next weekend because I have to do my family stuff”, but you see him/her hanging out with other friends at the park next weekend. Yeah, it hurts you so badly right? So, do not be like that.

  1. You do not realize things you do to make you look bad (or do it deliberately)

Some kids say that they did not know what was right and wrong at that time when they had done whatever it was. It is alright and even a little cute, which makes you feel that you want to take care of them and teach them how-to-x, but if they are adults, it turns into a totally different story.

  1. You do things that destroy your trust with others 

I should have put this one on the top of this list since this is the main point of this article. It is okay to do whatever you want, no one is going to stop you from doing it, but it is not professional to easily destroy your trust with others. As long as you live in this society, everything here is working under the trust and bonds between you and people, in a nutshell, you must follow all the lists above. People can be cruel to those who care about them most. Think about your parents. When you are young, what did you say to them? Yeah, when you hit puberty, you sometimes could not control yourself. People always do this to others. We have to be careful about this.

 


What makes you mature?

I hate to break it to you, but to be mature, you should be able to handle all the things I named above; however, if you ask me to decide on one thing that clearly distinguishes those who are immature and mature, that is:

Forgiveness“.

Those who can forgive others are the ones who are mature.

Of course, it is not really easy. To forgive others means to let everything that has hurt you a lot go for good .

You cannot rub it in anymore.

You cannot even talk about it for the rest of your life to those who did bad to you.

You cannot ask all the details and reasons why they did it to you once you forgive them.

After the vary moment you forgive them, it is going to be the battle against yourself from then.

You have to deal with all the emotions inside of you, trying to let everything go.

Sometimes you have to pretend that you are doing fine and  act friendly in the process of rebuilding relations with others even though you are not still sure if you digested everything already.

It is one thing to forgive, but it is another thing to forget.

If you can do both of them at the same time, you are really mature.

It takes times, but at least if you can forgive others no matter what, people can tell that you are mature.

You can forgive because you are strong.

Be strong, boys and girls.

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Image 8-3-14 at 5.16 PM

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How do you write your resume? Time to know the how-to

I need to find a job

A Russian lady, 33 years-old teaching at School, said to me in the state of disappointment. She is currently looking for a job in the United State. I thought she was fine as long as she had a job now unlike me. She said that she was not appreciating  her teaching, and she would like to do something she is really passionated about, but has been stuck in teaching industry. After 5 minutes silence, I asked her “Why don’t you start applying to those companies which are doing something you are passionated about?”.

She said in reply “I do not know how and I am afraid of not being able to get a job I want”

There you go, I have been hearing these phrases almost everyday from many people including myself , ” I don’t know how”. Of course, most of us do not know exactly how and what is the best way, and I know when you make a move to change something from what you are currently doing, it always takes time and cost which is totally inevitable for most of us unless you have strings to pull. If you are just an average person who has been spending your life, following crowds without a strong discipline in yourself, hate to break it to you but, it is not easy to find a job. However once you start changing yourself, making a move, getting up your heavy back from the chair,  chances are that you will be likely to find a job.

After long idle conversation, she said ” Alright, I will search for companies, but how am I supposed to write a resume? It has been a long time since I wrote one last time”.

This question turned me on ,and I started to belabor on how to write a resume.

#reddeerinternational #international #multicultural #globalsociety #culture #economy #politics #history #travel #career #entertainment #education #blog #religion #lifestyle #america #latinamerica #europe #africa #asia #pacific #middleeast #fumiyaakashika #bobucal #How to write a resume 

I know it is hard to think about yourself in objective view. For most times, you miss something you are supposed to add in your resume such as your skills, experiences, and so on. However when you talk to your friends, teachers, and all the people around you, they tell you something positive about you and something you did not realize before ,which will give you confidence, and you start thinking positively about yourself. Having confidence in yourself is one of important elements not only when you have interviews , but also when you write resumes and cover letters.

This is what it takes to complete your resume and get a job

  1. Tell yourself that you can make a change 
  2. List up all the things you would like to do and you can do
  3. Talk to somebody who knows about you well, and look over the list you make together 
  4. Find a job on the internet  
  5. Find someone who knows how to Write a resume and cover letter
  6. Submit it 
  7. wait and knock on wood
  8. If you land a interview, keep carrying yourself with confidence. If you do not, still Keep carrying yourself with confidence and start from No.3. again for another job opening

1 Tell yourself that you can make a change  

Confident1

It is important to think that you are capable of changing yourself and situations you are currently in. Most of people doubt their capabilities, and just stay safe watching others ,standing on the side line. Think about those people who has been a force to reckon with in the world such as Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. What did they do? They stop going to college and began to do something by themselves.

Hey, they and I are totally different beings anyway, they had an ability and were wise and smart to do so , thus they did, but I am just another person, How am I supposed to compare with them?

Yes, you are right at the fact that they are off the chart, but what I would like to point out is not that they dropped out of college , but they made a move instead of staying in the same circulation. I am not saying that you have to get out of college immediately and initiate something new by yourself. As a matter of fact, that is risky and you don’t want to put yourself on the line. However, I am saying that making a move and change will always lead you up to something new. I admit that it is always hard to make a change since you will loose something because of your choice you make, but at the same time, you will gain something new  without exceptions as long as you stick to your vision.

“But what if I can’t get what I want in the end? I can not take the risk, bro”

Hold on, take a chill pill. You are not even writing your resume yet, so don’t run yourself down but hope up in the first place! just Imagine yourself working at your dream company.

Once you tell yourself that you can make a change, time to move on the next stage!

By the way, I am a buddhist and I always do meditate to clear out my mind to enlighten, and it really works! It is always important to get rid of all the negative feelings you have in your mind when you make a change, why don’t you try to meditate?

This link will tell you how to meditate

http://www.how-to-meditate.org

2. list up all the things you would like to do and you actually can do

working_papers

This is critical step before writing a resume or start looking for jobs available on the internet. Analyzing and Knowing yourself boosts your confidence and chance to get a job. First off, you should name everything you would like to do to understand your desires, and then list up all the things you are actually able to do at this moment. It is important to follow this steps :”First, things you would like to do, then things you really can do”

If you list up things you can do first, it eliminate possibilities you might encounter if you listed up things you would like to do first. After you finish writing the list, now it is time to make a list of things you can do. And then Compare both lists.

When you find something goes together from each lists, it is time to make a move to another step

3. Talk to somebody who knows about you well

575x415xMJTalkingToSomebody.jpg.pagespeed.ic.3p9_iOPNPm

“Ok, Now that I know myself well, I will look up the jobs!”

Hang on!! Do not make the move so quick , my friend.

You might want to ask somebody to look over your lists first rather than divining into head first. As i mentioned already, We don’t know mush about ourselves unless you are Buddha or God. Look back in time when you were surprised because your friend pointed out your habits you didn’t realize before until they mentioned them. This happens to everyone even to 60 years old people who seems to know about themselves well.

For instance, 2 weeks ago, I was at this college smoking a cigarette as this man came up to me and said  “hi”. We started just another conversation as I always do, and he brought up a story. The story goes like this; When he went fishing over a weekend which has been the only relaxing time away from his work, he met this woman with blond hair at around her age of 50th. She was struggling with catching fishes. Thus he just told her how to and what it took to get a fish ,which he does always when he sees someone having a difficult time fishing. After all the things, she said thank you and told him to be a chief of fishing club she involved in. According to her, he was the best fisher she had ever met in her life. He rejected the offer since he really wants to do it as a just hobby.

He told me that he never knew that his fishing skill was that high enough to admire others since he has been doing it for so long just as a hobby.

My points are that you don’t know about yourself fully until you are told so , and age doesn’t matter about this.

 After you are done with your lists, have someone talk about your lists and yourself. Upside of having someone is not only finding something you are missing, but also that it might encourage you through conversation with them.

Now that you have found something you missed to know about yourself , it is time for you to look for a job!!

4. Find a job on the internet 

logo-linkedin

Thanks to the technology we have now, Any information can be found at your house with your fingers.

Type the words relevant to your interests ,and put the word of Job at the end or vise verse. You will see a searching result , and if you are lucky enough, you might find a perfect job for you in the result. If you can’t find any, maybe it is better for you to sigh up some job hunting web sits such as “Monster” and “CFN” and etc. That makes you find a job easily ,and on top of that, company might send you a scout message!!

Other than the website, you might want to try social network sites such as “Linkedin”. This is a professional social network, you can upload your resume, and when someone looks at your resume and thinks that you the perfect candidate, then they will make a move on you!

I am 100% sure that sometime you can not find a job not just because you are not confidence enough nor motivated, but simply because the qualification for a job you found is not much up to your skills and experiences you have. However, I would like to say this to those in that situation.

“just send a resume”

You won’t lose anything even if you can not get the job. Good parts of sending a resume anyway are that you can cross out possibilities you have by literally receiving the reply by the company if they say “no”, and you can get rid of all the negative thought of “What if” from your head at the same time, which enables you to focus on another stuff. Another part of this is that you might  get a job! Who knows what is going to happen to us? God only knows! What you have got to do is just keep making moves until you die!

Monster:http://www.monster.com

CFN:http://www.careerforum.net/?lang=E

Linkedin:https://www.linkedin.com/uas/logout?session_full_logout=&csrfToken=ajax%3A3480916023669204869&trk=nav_account_sub_nav_signout

5. Find someone who knows how to write a resume and cover letter

Laughing young guy enjoying a conversation over the cellphone

The time finally comes. It is time for you to write a resume. Are you getting little bit nervous? Don’t be nervous, you should still hope up and be confidence! if you are turing to be negative person, the resume will not be positive enough to land a job because your negative though affects to it! So be brave and love yourself!!

Alright, but, the thing is unless you graduated college with English degree, your writing is not that strong enough to compete with other candidates. To make your resume shining and competitive, you need someone to revise it. It doesn’t matter how confidence you are on account of your experiences and skills, if you are not a good writer, your odd to get a job will decrease unfortunately. Notwithstanding, you will be fine since you now know that you need someone to look at your resume.

Alright, but Who?

Here is the list of people you can ask for a revision

  1. Councilors or advisors at your college
  2. Your friend working at Media or something relating to the line of work
  3. Your Mom and Dad
  4. Someone who knows how to and you know he/she really does

These are the people I can think of now off the top of my head , that you can ask for it.

If it is possible, you should write a resume with them instead of working on it by yourself. By doing so, you can enrich your resume through a conversation you will be likely to have with them. AS for a cover letter, you can do exact the same thing you do with your resume such as having someone to take a look at it.

6. Submit it

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Now that everything is all set, it couldn’t be better time for you to send it to a company! Most companies nowadays have their own websites which provides all the information about recruitment. I am sure that it tells you exactly what to do to send your resume and cover letter! If it says  “send us via e-mail”, then you send your resume via e-mail ,and don’t forget about sending your cover letter also!

7. Waite and knock on wood

Knock-on-Wood

Yes, I know you are nervous about the result, but as I mentioned, you won’t lose anything even if the result is not what you are looking froward to.

While waiting, there are always things you can do for your self. Here is the things you should do.

  • Don’t spend time thinking about the result

Since what is done is done, there is no way for you to change the result once you send them to the company. Stop thinking about it. You don’t have to think about the things you can not change anymore, it is just time consuming and bad for your health also. Think about the time that your boyfriend or girlfriend dumped you. Were you able to fix the relationship? Well, If you were born under the lucky star, then you could, but I assume that unless you were a sophisticated psychic,  most of you were not able to fix it. It is just a simple fact of life. You can not change their minds no matter how hard you think about them!  Anyways , you should stop worrying about the result!  It is beyond your control!!

  • Working on another resume

While waiting, you have better thing to do: working on another resume! Yeah, definitely it is good to separate your eggs into several bowls.

  • Do something you like to do to wile away the time

Unless otherwise required to think about the result by the company, which they don’t for the most case, you should do something fun for yourself, no need to be stressed out!

7. Never stop being confident in yourself

Confident

Yes, most of times in your life, you can’t get what you want, and that is a simple fact of life as well, just like you can not get every boys and girls you like. What you can do in case you could not get response you wanted to hear is just carry on. It is not the end of the world nor end of your life. It is just the beginning of new story of your life. If you stop being confident in your self, all the things you have done will end up in smoke.

Here is a proverb for those who could not land an interview

When the going get tough, the though get going

Be tough!

The time of disappointment comes not to stay but to pass, even if you can not get what you want, it always leads you up to another oppotunity!!


Hope this article help you out with your resume. I really wish you could get  a job you want ! It doesn’t matter where you are, as long as you are human beings dealing with another human on earth, this way always helps you out!!

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