When I Was Young

Having time to ponder on your own deep thoughts is essential to a balanced life. I have been extremely busy since starting my career at this April. In the midst of things, I occasionally stop thinking about tasks from my boss, and reminisce the dream I had ( I still believe the dream is still lingering somewhere in my heart). I can literally feel that dream and passion slowly fade away as I mingle with my co-workers. It’s not that I hate this job or want to quit; it is just that the job I landed is not one that I can live

Photo by Maxim Smith on Unsplash

passionately with—in other words– this job I have is not what I really want in my life. I am probably saying this because I know what I wanted to be and how hard I worked on until my graduating from university. To be honest, I thought I was one of kind, nothing like the other men around me. Not that I was trying to be cocky, but I had this gut feeling telling me so.

At work, there have been so many things I did not know before, and I’ve been forcing myself to learn them all by heart; now my heart is full of things that are useless to me. I had great people who supported me. I had friends I shared the best moments with. I had a woman I loved the most. And I had a dream. In retrospect, it might have been just wishful thinking to have them all, but it is true that I had them at some point before. Once my grandpa, who passed away 3 years ago, told me that life was a full of unexpected events, which now strikes as reality. I lost them all; watching them part from me and my soul without taking any motion to stop them. I wanted to convince them to stay with me, but sometimes it’s just not the way you control the situation for the sake of making others happy.

Photo by Silvestri Matteo on Unsplash

Every once in a while, after coming back home from work, I am burdened with negative emotions and suffer with all the thoughts: “would’ve, should’ve, might’ve and what if”, bringing me to tears, kicking myself for wasting my life in a way and not being able to change my. Four walls surrounding me silently get closer and closer, closing any escape route crushing me in to death. The darkness of the night gradually invading into my heart and brain until I finally am broken down on my knees, and heavily load on my shoulder. I once had great moments where I felt I was sitting on the top of the world where everything went my way as I wished. I used to be a kid who had a dream to be a super star just like Michael Jackson. I would always videos of him performing on stage in front of tens of thousands of people screaming and going crazy for him. I would always practice his moves by watching these inspiring videos on YouTube.

Downloaded from Flicker

I wanted to be like him. A man who can heal the world, inspire people, touch millions of people’s lives, motivate people who think they aren’t somebody to anyone, and a man who can give unfailing love to his beloved ones. However, I found out that I was just another boy, just an average boy who was just dreaming of being someone great, and unfortunately nothing I had was sticking out above the rest. Notwithstanding, the desire to be like him is still alive in my heart in regardless of who I truly was, and I needed some sort of chance or opportunity to emulate him.
As a time progressed, this desire slowly slipped away from my mind, but when I went to the United States as an exchange student, feeling of being someone great rekindled again beyond the shadow of doubt. Since then, I have engaged in things I things I love doing and things I wanted to achieve in life. I gave it a shot. I created a YouTube channel, Soundcloud, wrote articles, and etc. Trying to see how far I could push myself, I had rough time every once in a while, but I overcame them. But now look at me. I am currently working as someone who I did not even imagine of being, and feel depressed all the time. I am still working on my dream and goal in my life which I usually don’t

Photo by Paul Dufour on Unsplash

share with people in that they usually aren’t able to wise up what I tell them for the most part. It is not that I am complaining about them, but it simply is that most of people are just spending time working not even trying to reach their full potential. I always have questions in my mind bothering me constantly, “why are people able to live life just like this as if they were having good time conducting something they don’t even know if they like or not “.

What is life? Am I pushing myself hard enough? Am I supposed to be stuck in this dead-end abyss? Did I make a wrong choice? I probably made a wrong choice in the past for sure. Have I learned some lessons off of it ? Ready to implement solutions for it? I guess I need some more time.  What about you? Are you having the time of your life? If you do, tell me how and why. That’s all what I need now.

Give it up for those who provide beautiful pictures:

Caleb George Maxim Smith Silvestri Matteo Paul Dufour

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Old vs. New

There is perhaps no greater struggle today than that of the old versus the new, traditional versus modern. In varying degrees—from families to nations—this dichotomy between established cultural institutions and our rapidly changing world is a large obstacle.


This dissonance is a major issue in families today, where attitudes and views between children and parents differ so sharply. Are education and college as important today as 11139796_10206557021029132_231151248_nthey were in generations past? What religious views and social ideas should kids be exposed to? Tough questions with no clear answer, this generation of families struggles to find the fault line in these ideas. It is natural for young people to be influenced by their peers and their surroundings; the cultural environment of society is highly influential to a child’s psyche. Children are highly impressionable and the messages they receive around them shape their perception of the world. Society being infinitely different than it was twenty years ago, today’s youth will have starkly different values and beliefs than their parents.


In a much larger dimension, nations also experience this struggle of old and new ideas; it 11139941_10206557020909129_790592572_nis a tension that poses a huge threat to the world. Without question, western models of society—democracy and capitalism—are the biggest influences in international politics, a phenomena that many leaders find threatening. Contemporary ideas of economics and politics have percolated to every continent and our interconnected world operates by these institutions. Some claim it is a natural diffusion of ideas and culture while others demand it is aggressive cultural and political imperialism that seeks to exploit other nations.


The evidence suggests that democracy and capitalism have torn countries apart—look at nations like Mexico, the Philippines, Iraq and much of Sub-Saharan Africa,; areas once 11158196_10206557020989131_1306952527_nfilled with prosperous civilizations are now plagued with corruption and poverty. The presence of modernism and western colonialism has turned a once prosperous Afghan society into a failed state rampant with violence, gang activity and terrorism. There are numerous examples of this modern deterioration around the world.


On the other side of the apple cart, we can point out many examples of the tremendous benefits of modern ideas of society. Nations like Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong, and the United Arab Emirates enjoy prosperous societies with flourishing economies. Their success can be owed, arguably, to ideas developed and nurtured by Western Europe and the United States.


The most notable example of the dissonance between old and new is that of religious conflict, namely the controversy surrounding the religion Islam. Terrorism, t11129985_10206557013708949_987466045_nhe 9/11 attacks, Charlie Hebdo, ISIS; conflict between the west and Islam is a classic example of the clash of civilizations, a clash between different mentalities, a dissonance between attitudes of different time-periods.
Whether it is conflict within the household or war between nations, finding a fault line between the old and the new is a step towards peace. There is no easy and definite answer to this problem but pointing out the issue is essential to finding viable solutions.