Coming from the small town of Key West, Florida, I grew up in a budding, well-connected community where everyone knew each other’s business! A common saying in my town was “When you get to work, first check your email, and then the jail site to see who has been arrested.” Due to my town’s fast communication, I was unfortunately aware of all the tragedies. However, news of these events didn’t come from my mother or my friend telling me.
Instead, social media has become my informant on all things important and relevant. As technology progresses, I’ve seen how social media is influential in shaping the way society thinks and the way we express ourselves. Don’t get me wrong; I believe it is important for us to voice our opinions and feelings on any platform we feel necessary, but at what point will be begin to take a step back and understand the gravity of our actions and how they affect others?
I’ve been brought to this question from a post an old classmate put on Facebook. In his post, he explained that while it was warming for people to express their condolences on a recent passing, it is wrong for the individuals close to the family to find out about a loved one on social media; it makes a great deal of sense. Social media is meant to portray the lives of people we know, be it someone very close to you or an old childhood friend. Living on the other side of the world for example has made it difficult for me to keep up with everyone; having Facebook and Instagram to see a new baby or a recent engagement allows me to be involved in their life story. But it takes on another level of expression when we run to social media to post a long status about the passing of a friend’s loved one or changing our profile pictures to the individual who has recently passed.
Facebook and Twitter can’t be the only place to pour our hearts out for the world to see. There is so much more to life than a continual expansion of our private emotions and moments that, while appreciated, can sometimes do more harm than good. Going back to what my classmate stated, why can’t we call our friend and give your condolences to their family? Have we “evolved” too much to stop doing simple gestures like sending flowers or a card to a loved one dealing with an unfortunate event in their lives? Social media has been successful from striping away the true human experience from us, and it’s frightening.
Support and love is a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be taken for granted, but I think it’s time we go back to touching each others hearts in the real world instead of touching the “Post” buttons on technology.
Give it up for those who provide beautiful pictures:
There are tens of thousands of students going to universities in the world in the hope of getting educated for the future. It is understandable that they go to university for this purpose. Unlike any other time in history, job markets are becoming much tougher and competitive than ever as time progresses. The chances are that you might not be able to get a well paying job even with a college degree. In other words, without a college degree, realistically speaking, you are considered uneducated, and will have less opportunities to obtain a job unless you were born with talent, making you stick out above the general public. Hence, going to college in modern times is one of the most important components in your life and must-do at the same time.
However, the reason you go to college should not be just to become educated so that you can have an upper hand over others; rather, getting educated should be just one of reasons. There is another central reason why you should go to college: Spreading and building your network with others.
I spoke with a man that works at a college in Florida, USA as a member of the cleaning staff. He is 64 years old and graduated from college when he was 22 years old. I happened to have a chance to chat with him several times and in our conversations he asked me, “What are the reasons you go to university?” I answered, “to get educated so that I can have a decent job after graduation.” He nodded once and after quite a long silence, he told me that going to
college was not all about becoming educated enough to have a job later but also about strengthening your network that you will be able to use later in your life. He also articulated the point: good jobs in general were not on the net nor posted on a job hunting website, and most of time, those opportunities fell into your lap through connections/strings you had to pull.
The point gathered is that you do not know who is going to be successful and who is going to be a big shot later in future; furthermore, the current student generation is the next in line that will create business down the road, which means that more connections you have in your network, the more chances you will have to get involved in successful events.
College is the place where people with variety of interests and different backgrounds assemble making it easy to widen your network more than in any other place. There is no other place where you have time to discuss with someone new and learn what they are interested in and passionate about. According to the website, CollegeData, medium sized colleges have between 5,000 and 15,000 students, and large sized universities usually have more than 15,000 students. These numbers mean that you potentially create vast networks during your time at college if you chose to do so. And as we already all know, each person has his or her unique life style and path they are taking. If you can get associated to each one of them, you would have many chances later to expose yourself to the variety of fields in not only business but also in leisure time which spices up your life.
If you are on the fence whether or not to go to college or wondering the meaning of going to college, consider thinking of college as a place to network. It will help you broaden your perspectives and views toward the purpose of college, and it will also bring you benefits.
Give it up for those who provides beautiful pictures:
I remember sitting in my college counselor’s office in high school for help with college applications. She went on to ask me what I wanted to do in life. I, being the typical 18-year-old and trying to find any way to get out of my small town, gave her a shrug. She then proceeded to stare at me for what felt like a minute and responded, “You should be a teacher.”
As I finished my first year of teaching in Japan, this statement has come to my mind and forced me to believe that my college counselor was a fortuneteller. However, as I am no longer a young adult, I’ve taken her words into a larger perspective that involves more than just standing in front of a classroom. Teaching isn’t always a money paying career that you have to go to school for. In fact, when you think about it, we’re all teachers in our own way. Think about your mother, your best friend, someone you look up to, even a celebrity. These are all individuals that hold some sort of information meant for you and the world to experience. And while it may not sound glamorous telling people you’re a life teacher, knowing your role in life and giving to others is an important value to help you grow and become a genuine person.
When I first arrived in Japan, I was overwhelmed and quite scared of what I’d signed up for. But it wasn’t the language I was frightened of, or even the idea of living on my own in a foreign country. Being placed in front of a classroom with random (and equally scared) children and asked to teach was a fear I thought would destroy me. And it should have. I had little experience with teaching, my Japanese was decent but not enough to talk with my teachers, and how could I teach a language that has a word with 179 meanings (look up “run”)? The jet lag and job meetings were making me miss the bigger picture of my job description. For anyone interested in teaching English in another country, the most important teaching experience is you. You’ll find it weird at first, but everything about you is an expression of a world people have never seen.
Usually when I teach, I’m using English and Japanese to explain the lesson to my students. With that being said, I don’t think I’ve ever been successful with my use of Japanese. But I’ve used this “flaw” as a way to show my students it is okay to make mistakes. Mistakes should be embraced because it shows our effort and allows us to get closer to improving. My students seeing my approach with their language allows them to interpret a way to approach English without being discouraged. I also give them the opportunity to know who I am.
Going to school every day, I’m asked questions ranging from “what kind of fruit do you like,” to “do Americans use chopsticks to eat?” While some questions may seem quite silly, I’ve started to understand that my reaction and response to the questions are important. A Japanese student asking his friend about a fruit he likes is an easygoing conversation compared to the same student asking me this question in the hallway. It’s impossible to see it on the surface, but conversing with me opens his or her minds to an interaction with someone from another culture, another background, and another experience. A simple answer like “mango” could turn into me talking about my childhood and eating mangos all year round on an island. Saying, “of course we do” to using chopsticks turns into me explaining the difference between having ramen in America in relation to Japan. I give my curious peer the opportunity to know someone from abroad, and open doors to being interested in other cultures.
Personal experiences, cultures and languages are important ideas to share and teach to others. But the beautiful thing about teaching is that you’re also able to learn in the process. Since I came to Japan, I’ve learned so much about myself from interacting with Japanese and international people alike. I’ve given advice to family and friends, and in many instances realized I should take my own advice. My comfort zone has been the biggest teacher throughout my stay in this wonderful country. I open my mind up to things I’m unfamiliar with. I stop fighting the current and go with the flow. But the best idea I’ve learned is self-expression and self-acceptance. Whether it’s my race, my nationality, or even my hair, I’m a unique person that should be able to give my enthusiastic values and experience to people around the world. Inside and outside of the classroom, I hope to teach others I encounter to do this as well, while in the process of learning more about them.
Give it up for those who provide beautiful pictures:
Of the diverse kinds of people with different values and beliefs, good team members can be broken down into five categories: the thinker, the inspiration, the giver, the executive and the idealist.
Logical and intellectual, the thinker is excited by ideas and theories. Thinkers are absorbed by their thoughts and can spend long periods of time deep inside their minds. They are less stimulated by the external and find more satisfaction delving into their own thoughts. Usually quiet and reserved, the thinker is mysterious and hard for people to get to know.
The inspiration is capable of rallying people around them and lifting their spirits. Creative and enthusiastic, they refuse to let society shape their lives and must live in accordance with their intuition. Inspirations do not hesitate to express themselves and their eloquent qualities make them great leaders: people are drawn to their open mindedness.
Possessing outstanding people skills, the giver is popular and sensitive to other’s needs. The giver thrives in the company of others and they find joy in making people happy. Their empathetic nature makes them effective leaders with the ability manage teams. Selfless and pious, they relinquish the needs of their ego for the good of the whole group.
With their strong personalities, the executive works well under pressure and is comfortable with making tough decisions. Their strong organizational skills are invaluable to big projects and group efforts. The executive values precision and efficiency, making them very productive individuals who often acquire important titles and leadership positions.
Well learned and strong willed, the idealist has a well-developed value system that edifies society. They are fiercely loyal and will fight for their beliefs with great zeal.
If your personality fits any of the above descriptions, you maybe an invaluable member of any team so get involved and get the collaborative efforts going!
Please give it up for those people who provide beautiful pictures:
The truth hurts. Relationships are always hard when it comes to the time when you realize that both of you do not share the same feeling to each other. You might like or love them, but they do not return the sentiment. They just think of you as a friend or acquaintance. I just ended one self centered love I had for a girl. I would like to keep this as a lesson in my heart, and I share you what I have learned. I hope when I get older, I will read this again and tell my kids not to make the same mistakes. Or if they do, I would like them to know how to make different ones than I did.
Over the past year I experienced stupid selfish egoistic love toward a girl. She already told me that she could not do it anymore and she did not want a relationship with me, but I could not stop thinking about her and kept lying to myself and her as well saying that I was just her friend. And after that, I was literally obsessed with the thought of trying to get attention back from her. I tried everything I could do. I endured most of the things that you can come up with if you are in love with someone who is not in love with you: listening to her when she was weak and not good in terms with her boyfriend, and supporting her emotionally when she was upset.
Do you know how it feels to be close to a girl you like but who likes someone else? It is a nightmare. You listen to her talking about her boyfriend and all you can do is just accept the reality and it is gut-clenching knowing that she would never be yours. I wanted to tell her that I was still in love with her so many times. However, I chickened out at every turn. At some points, I told her that “I do not want you to text me anymore when you feel lonely and I do not like someone who is blind in love” which was partially true- but at the same time a total lie. I was honest in that I did not want her to talk about her boyfriend. I was trying to forget about her so that it would be easier for me to move on with my life. Yet, I still wanted to communicate with her.
This happened because I had trouble accepting that she was having an incredibly amazing time with him – more than I had with her. There was nothing I could do about it then. I then made up my mind not to text her so that I would be able to forget about her eventually. I would look at the text that I was going to send her over and over, feeling uneasy and exhausted… and then I sent it. When I got a text from her saying, “have a good life,” it hurt my feelings. I thought I must be a person she did not care about that much, but in the same breath I felt that I released myself from the pitiful uncertainty and I finally did something for myself. However, it was true that I was still thinking about her even she stopped texting me. But it was good to break it off since I was almost lost myself.
Sometimes I checked her on Facebook and I saw pictures everywhere that she was very happy with her boyfriend and there were no photos of me. Then I gradually snapped back into reality that she was now out of my life totally, and told myself that I had to move on. As the days went by, I started to think about her less and more about school and work. Sometimes, whenever I smelled her perfume on a train, I thought of her and made me breathless.
One time, I was hanging out with a different girl (who was from Finland) on my birthday. She was kind enough to spend time with me. We walked around my city until around 10 P.M. She was nice and really smart, however, the other girl was still in my head and that prevented me from taking one step. And I just said to the Finnish girl, “Thank you for coming” and took her to the nearest station. And that was the time I realized that I could not move on until I made sure how she felt about me again. The more I thought about her, the more upset I became. Friends told me that I looked depressed sometimes. I was tired enough but put my smile on my face. I did not even give attention to people who were judging me. I wrote an article long time ago (article on December 20th love yourself first).
Then, I bought a ticket for the U.S. I was not going back to the U.S just to talk to her, but also to make business plans with my friend.
In retrospect, If I had gone back there just to see her and make sure, I would have been the stupidest person in the world. On my birthday, I hoped she would text me. She did not. The next day, I received a text from her saying “happy belated birthday“. And I was so happy in that I got a text from her! I remembered how happy she was with her boyfriend and remembered all the joyful pictures on Facebook, so I played it cool as if I was really not interested in her anymore. This was a lie. She asked me if I wanted to go to Cuba with her. I told her that I might if I had money. I mean come on, it would be stupid to go to another country with a girl who you know has a boyfriend.
So I came back to the U.S and I saw her again. It was all great. She was beautiful as usual and more sophisticated than ever – and still with her boyfriend. I was hoping that she would leave him soon so that I would be able to have a conversation and ask her if she was interested in me or not. This was foolish.
My closest friend would constantly tell me that I had been insanely stupid and helpless as hell, and begged me not to see her anymore and told me all the bad things that could happen. I ignored their warnings, because I was thinking about her again. It was true that I was on the top of the world when I was with her, but I did not tell her. I wassuch a coward. There have been moments that I could have told her about my feelings a lot of times but I kept lying to myself and her.
There was a moment I was mad at her. I regretted that I was mad quickly, but it was an honest feeling. And of course that got her uncomfortable and made her distant. Since then, I was not able to see her for almost three weeks. This was the hardest part of the trip, and I wanted to confirm that we were done before she was disappeared from my life.
Since I could not see her, I decided to text her. I started texting all the feelings I had for her over the last year. The text was massive – almost a whole book – and she was kind enough to read through all of them. This time I was fully honest with my feelings. Never in my life had I poured out my feelings as I did in this text. I did not have much time in the United States and I thought I would not have time to see her again. After I typed all of feelings and sent them, I felt that I was finally free. The text was cathartic. And at the end of the day, I found out (as was obvious as it was at the beginning) that she was not interested in me at all.
But it was good at least to me that I could hear it again straight from her mouth. And she made me realize that I was so demanding and obsessed as hell. I realized that I was being really egoistical and that I had done all this for myself and not thinking about her life or reactions. And she told me that I did not have to be her friend. Oh well, the truth hurts, you know. And I had to admit the fact that I probably did not love her but was just being needy and childish because someone got her and I did not, and I should care about her happiness as well as my own. People make stupid choices, but it only helps us learn something new and teaches us how we just are going to apply it to the next situation.
So what I learned is:
Don’t be so dramatic (even that is the way you are).
Don’t hang out with someone if you are not willing be a friend to them in the first place.
Do not lie to yourself and whoever you are dealing with.
If you love someone after a rejection, just leave them alone.
Get to know the truth as fast as you can.
Do not postpone your decision until it is too late and waste your time.
If you are such a dramatic guy as I am, I recommend you to make fast moves otherwise you will waste your time.
Don’t love someone too much when they do not love you
But at the end of the day, communicate well. Be open with your friends and lovers. If it is hard to end a relationship, do it anyway, because it is not healthy for you in the long run.
Give it up for those who provide beautiful pictures:
Maintaining any kind of relationship is hard. Occasionally we are hurt, irritated, and exhausted mentally because of all the issues, subtle tensions, and…
Maintaining any kind of relationship is hard. Occasionally we are hurt, irritated, and exhausted mentally because of all the issues, subtle tensions, and misunderstandings that rise up between you and others. We all know that everything has its time, which means every relationship has its end for better or worse, and that it is tragic if the one you love most is the one you have to put an end to.
However, there is a simple, yet difficult mindset to follow to maintain any relationship for good. I am confident in myself that I am expert at this, and I would like to share the mindset that I have developed to optimize my life as well as others’ at the times: Accept and love them more.
I am not here to tell how generous or thoughtful of a person I am, but this is simply little things that I have been told from my friends who always help me through difficult times and spoil me in every way they can use to make me feel that I am a capable being!
And in order to conduct this simple way to maintain your relationship with others, you always have to have these four guidelines:
Do not dislike or hate others ever in the first place.
Always have your opinion regardless of others’ opinion.
Find people who share this mindset, and be friend with them.
Show your true colors to them (Be honest)
Compromise as much as you can
I know that you might say that it is impossible not to dislike people when they hurt you. However, look, don’t let your ego get in your way to make you greedy and ugly. Here’s how to deal with each situations:
When you meet others for the first time
One of the things I am not appreciating is when my friend always looks at people, and tries to bring up funny jokes that are race oriented. As matter of fact, I hate it when he does that. Just leave them alone. Well anyway, what I do when I meet new people is to ask questions and listen to what they say. And accept whatever things they say. If they are vague about the point they are making, I will ask them about it to let them talk more in detail. I love people who have been having different experiences and have been going through different paths, but have these 4 principles in common. If they have different opinions, without these 4 principles it will be hard for me to arrange the time I hang can out with them. And in order to categorize them into either friend or acquaintance, I will ask questions to them to get to know them. In addition to that, I will make an eye contact, have firm handshake and polite greeting to them.
When you hurt others
This can happen at any time unintentionally or intentionally when you go back on a promise, when you break up with your partner, when you back-stab your friend, when you treat others like dirt. If you are the type of person who always hurts others, please don’t continue telling yourself that you are not a good person; instead learn from your mistakes and figure out how to make a positive impact in the future.
In this situation, you will not recover your reputation until they accept and forgive you, and one thing that I would like to you remember is that you don’t have to rub in the past any longer if you regret your past already. There is no need for you to blame yourself on you for the rest of your life. A thing you can do to those you hurt is basically apologize and give them space until they cool down, and please have the mindset to accept yourself and love yourself more, which will better your relationship later in your life.
When you get hurt.
This happened to me quite often when I was a teenager much more than I hurt others. However, I have learned lessons in each instance in order to maintain the relationship with those who once have hurt me. What I do when I get hurt is give myself time and space to simmer myself down until I finally get myself back on my feet to have a fresh start, and while I try to pick up these pieces of broken heart to reunite my feelings, I constantly tell myself that it was my fault for them to hurt me in the first place, and also I tell myself that I was not good enough for them to keep me in their lives.
Please don’t get ahead of yourself thinking that I am not confident enough to say that it was not my fault. It is my way to accept and love people more. The more I get hurt, the stronger and better I become. Plus another truth is that I do not victimize myself while thinking that it was my fault; rather , I appreciate those people who have hurt me since they are always the ones who taught me how useless, meaningless, hopeless of a man I am in this world; enough to beef up myself. I love myself more thinking that I can be much better. It goes without saying that without their hurting me, I would have been a totally confident man with no appreciation toward anything.
Because of that reason, I won’t dislike or hate them for the dare of my life. Of course, there were days that I hated on them, but those days are gone and fortunately left some food for thought for me that reshaped my discipline of how to deal with people like that. And for that reason, I always open my door for them to come back any time to reshape whatever the relationship is, and this time I will love them more with a leveled up version of me.
When you are in an argument
My friends and I argue a lot, and at the end of the day, they always ask me if I dislike or hate them due to the quarrels we had, and I always tell them that I do not dislike or hate them just because of our jumping at each others’ throats. They always look at my eyes with a little bit of doubt.
What I think about arguing with people is that it is the time for us to be honest with each other, and gives us a chance to make one’s point clear so that it won’t make things difficult between people later. However, how you control the situation afterward will differentiate the way of the relationship you and others will have later. What I do is just act natural and accept and love them more. There is no point for you to get upset in an argument since the bottom line of the argument is to make your point clear to let them know how you feel about things you are arguing over. It doesn’t matter if they bring up opposite opinions and argue back. You made your point clear, and if they do not accept it, it is not your fault. You only need to tell them how you feel, listen to them and accept them even if they don’t do it back to you.
Speaking of accepting others in an argument, one of the ideas I like to think about is “do not dislike others in the first place ever”. If you dislike and hate someone in the first place, having an angry argument with them will only create dead-end chaos and a deadly relationship between you and them. So do not dislike and hate them in the first place, and always have the mindset to accept them. Surprisingly, this will only make the relationship much more solid. And do not forget to act naturally. I am not saying that you need to pretend, but I am saying that you need just to act naturally as your habit; in other words, you have to develop this skill practically through arguing with others over and over and learn how to control your emotions.
I believe that most of people have these four disciplines in their hearts, but the only thing that will help you most in your life with others is the ability to compromise. However, the tricky part is that this cannot be done by yourself. This has to be done between you and others. If one of you all can not meet the other halfway, that is a dead end relation, and not to mention exhausting.
But this is not that difficult actually: please look around at people, friends, family; they are so happy with each other, and I believe that those people are the ones who care about each other with these 5 principles. Well now that I think about it, when you want to have a good friend, family and partner, they have to have those principle and must be able to compromise.
It is something you can do and you can be if you want to, and the time you meet these people is the time you will have a good relationship that lasts for good!
Well after all, I now realize that I can put these 1615 words in two simple words: “Unconditional Love”. Well, thank you, Micheal Jackson for giving me this kind of mindset through your songs.
What is your way to get along with others? Share with RedDeer International!
Give it up for those who provide beautiful pictures:
I am your best friend. I am your friend. I am your enemy. I am your counselor. I am your protector. I am your safety net. I am your lover. I am…
I am your “x”.
I am your best friend. I am your friend. I am your enemy. I am your counselor. I am your protector. I am your safety net. I am your lover. I am your acquaintance. I am your toy. I am your desire.
I can make you feel safe. I can make you feel good about yourself. I can make you proud. I can make you feel wanted. I can make you feel distant. I can make you feel depressed. I can be your shoulder to cry on. I can make you use me. I can make you feel guilty. I can make you feel satisfied. I can make you feel anything.
I am told that I am the most genuine person people can become in this world. They tried to rip off my mask to see my true face, but I don’t let them.
There is no such a word as “unintentionally or unconsciously” in my dictionary. I am a planner and have well organized strategies in my head, computing everything way ahead of time. There is also no concept of “too late to realize,” because you will never realize until I tell you that you have been on my finger tip this whole time, which I won’t tell even if someone cuts my mouth and into my cheeks.
I will treat you in the way you want. I will smile at you when you need it the most. I can be your prince if that’s what you are asking. I can disappear out of your life leaving mystery.
I am a good person. I can be whatever you want me to be, and I will do so accordingly and most importantly, strategically. It almost feels that you wrap me around your little finger until you notice that you are dealing with not a just person but a pathological psycho.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not a liar. As matter of fact, I will turn myself into anything you want me to be, and that is what you are asking me, and you are asking for.
I will let you decide what you want. I will let you have your way. I will lead you up and down. I will let you know how I feel. I won’t hesitate to say anything toward you if that is what you want to hear. I will listen to you all day long, and give you a few words to hang in your head.
But here is one thing you have to remember about me. I do not feel pain. I rationalize the situation well and instantly for myself . Every moment you do something to me is the moment that you are trapped inside of my next scenario. You are still halfway through reading the entire book, wondering how this is going to end. The good thing is that I do not even know either.
I am your what if.
You try to think: what if I like you, what If I dislike you, what if I betray you, what if you please me, what if you do that to me, what if I touch you, what if I look into your eyes, what if I am you’re best buddy, what if I disappear on you. All you can do is just guess what is behind the mask.
Sounds like I’m nobody until you see my real face behind a cute mask. Am I hypocritical? No I am not. Am I bad person? No I am not. Am I pretending? No I am not.
So, “who am I?” You will never know because I don’t even know.
You are dealing with what if. It’s exhausting but you can’t help it.
The moment you reject someone for whatever reason, do you know exactly what is going on on the other person’s mind? It would be so heart-breaking…
Have you ever hurt someone or are you hurting someone? Have you been hurt or are you hurting because of someone and something? There are always times in your life when people hurt you deliberately or unintentionally.
The moment you reject someone for whatever reason, do you know exactly what is going on on the other person’s mind? It would be so heart-breaking to you if you were them, but the truth is that unless they let you know how hurt they are, you will never know what is going on in their minds. Of course, if the one who you hurt or have been hurting is mature, then chances are that they have already forgiven you or will likely forgive you later, but one thing you have to always remember are those things you did to them will remain in their recollections, in other words, they can not forget what happened to them, what has been told and said by you.
Of course, I happened to be on both sides of this situation for better or worse before, so I can tell how easy for me it is to reject others and think that they are fine with it, and also how hard it is to forgive someone, and most importantly to forget about what they have done to me. The moment you reject someone, you feel some kind of relaxing vibe since you successfully solved the problem in your favor, and finally you are able to run after something you always wanted .
However, if those who were rejected by you were not contended with your points or were needy/clingy, then they would do whatever they could do to trouble you. Let’s say people you have rejected are mature enough to forgive you by all means, but as I mentioned already, it is still hard for them to forgive you. And chances are that they will not forget about you.
If it took place more than 5 years ago, then they might have already forgotten or at least have become indifferent about what happened to them due to you. Notwithstanding, it is not always the case. And another truth about the moment when they forgive you is that they are not over it at all by a long shot. They are in the process to rationalize the situation and try so hard to pretend that nothing has happened to them, and this is usually done so by them in order to make you feel as good about yourself as you can after your rejection so that you can move on in your life thinking that you and they had a good ending. On the other hand, they are still struggling with that situation no matter what. And time is the only thing that can heal the wounds.
I forgive a lot, but I never forget what’s said and done.
Ok, they forgave you, then what? Then they will move on to the next stage to reshape their relationship with you, and that is “Forgetting about the past”. However, this is the most and worst part of getting over the past since it is simply nearly quixotic in every sense of the word. Unless they lose their memory completely, they won’t be able to forget. This becomes more difficult as you get older. You do not remember exactly what happened to you when you were 11 or 12 years-old, but you surely still remember what you did and what kind of people you are hanging around with when you are 20 years-old. My father (50 something) still does remember those days he had when he was an university student. In that, you always have to be careful about what you are going to do with those who you once rejected at any level for whatever the reason.
I forgive people, but that doesn’t mean I trust them.
If you are intending to have better relations with those people afterwards, you have to carefully look in the past and try to understand how they felt back in time even if you can’t, and try not to make the same mistakes again with them, and this is the only way to enhance the relations to better quality. And another thing you have to remind yourself of always is that they lost trust and any expectations from you already. They will likely not tell you this, but this is surely the thing you have to know.
If you are not trying to get back at those people, you might as well just move on in your life forgetting about them first. You should not contact them because it only hurts them more. And if you happen to be the one who was treated like shi# by someone who you loved once and still love, we do not know how but sometimes you just have to forget about the person and move on.
Give it up to those who provide beautiful pictures:
If you are a teenager or twenty-someting, you have a lot of time and energy to spend on exploring the world. Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which you thought you did not fit into the society that you were in? If the answer is Yes, please proceed reading.
I was talking about random stuff with one of people I befriended on campus, who is from Argentina. While we are talking, we started to talk about passions each one of us have. I explained what I had been doing for my dream, and he also talked about his goal and the way he perceived the world. Honestly, what he told me was inspiring and he offered intriguing ideas I had never thought of up until that moment. He explained how important it is to travel the world in our lives, especially when we are young. There three reasons he excitedly told me are:
1. Abandon time to spend for ourselves unlike people in their 40s.
Of course, when we are 20-something, we still have freedom to some extent even though most of us start working at companies. Yet it is still believed that even if you failed on what you are doing, you would most likely be able to start to reshape your life from scratch again if you are still 20-something . It sounds old-school cliche, but it stays true. How many elderly people already have told you to do the thing you love the most? Furthermore, I have heard a lot about their unrealized ideas and inventions that elderly people have been keeping in their minds for their entire lives, and they told me that they should have done it when they were young. As you can tell from regrets such as these, we simply might better living up the moment as much as we can. Traveling around the world will definitely be the one of must-dos when it comes to doing something young people can: they have the privilege to do so.
2. Know the people, know the countries, and know the world.
This totally depends on each individual, however if I had to say one thing, I would say that you might not want to miss the boat before it is too late to notice that you should have done it. When you travel all over the world, it is highly likely that you will encounter moments you have never expected. You cannot anticipate the challenges you will face such as visiting country that have differences in culture, values, societal function, and the way people think about their lives. And each experience you go through actually will help you a lot to broaden your view of the outside of the world. The Argentinean man said to me ” With the experiences you would likely go through during traveling the world, you will gain another aspect of the way of life through interactions with cultures and people there, and it will help you to figure out where is the right place for you to settle“. It does sound dramatic, however, it is human nature that some people just do not fit right in the place where they currently stay.
3. Figure out the right place to fit in
This one is actually the whole point of his talking about the way he sees the world. He does not just travel the world to have good time to take his mind off of the hectic ongoing mind game in society which wears him down, but he does travel to find a place truly for him to be able to blend in. It indeed takes time until we find a place like this, but it is worth trying in order to spend our lives happy. For instance, I live in Japan, and I do occasionally feel that I do not belong to Japanese society the way I should. Rather, I feel much more connected with American society in that I am the type of boy who clearly shows his thoughts and feelings in words to people. He articulated the point by saying, “And this can be only done when you are young“.
Why don’t you consider these three points, pack your stuff and get out of your country. When you come back, you might become a totally different person more than you can imagine now. You are not belonging to a country, you are belonging to the world!
Who are you? What do you want to do? Who do you want to be with? What encourages you? What are you pursuing? And what do you know about yourself?
I was sick in the morning when I finally got out of my bed. Regardless of what I felt, I went out of my house to the school I have been going for four years. I rode my scooter to the subway station. It was only 5:50am; everyone is still sleeping in their beds usually when I get on the subway. It was silent, but there were a lot of noises scattering around in my head. I was thinking about everything that had been stressing me out to the point I felt I just wanted to be alone.
It took me two and half hours to get to my university, but it was nothing hectic since I had been doing this for almost three years so far. When I arrived at my university, I immediately took my feet to a class room where I had to give the last presentation in my entire college life in 10 minutes. I sat on the one of chairs randomly ordered in the room. I wasn’t thinking about the presentation, but thinking about something else.
As time ticked away, I was gradually feeling like throwing up and got a severe stomachache which I have never felt in my life or at least since I got into the University. Even with the sickness, I completed my 90 minutes presentation like nothing was wrong with me. Everyone in the room gave it up for me, and asked me questions related to the topic I delivered the speech about.
I went out to the bathroom right after the presentation, and I literally said to the man in the mirror “Who are you?”. It was me, but was not me. I did not feel that I was looking at myself, rather, I was looking at someone else I was not familiar with. My face was so pale, no smile, no nothing. On top of the weird feeling, my stomach flipped upside down intensely, and I threw up. In that, I went to see my doctor who told me that I was under too much stresses and I needed to take a break from everything I had to deal with.
Now that I think about it, I was under so much pressure, and having all the sorts of thoughts at the same time. I was thinking about school, my job, relationships, my passion, death of a loved one and more. If I had a dollar for every time I list thoughts I had in my head, I would have been a millionaire. Especially the relationship part had been the one of troubles constantly bothering me most of the days over the last 10 months.
I was loosing myself. I did not feel any confidence in myself whereas I used to have too much confidence in myself.
I was loosing myself to the obsessive thoughts and my characteristic of being strict and harsh on myself. Thus, I decided to be alone. I decided to be alone in my own world where nobody can possibly intervene with me or come bother me: “Me time and Me space“.
I stopped hanging out with anyone, cancelled all the appointments I had with others, and most importantly, even stopped communicating with my best buddy. However, this had to be done to heal myself and regain the confidence in myself I used to have. I needed to take care of myself first to take care of others well enough to make them feel good.
Speaking of relationships, I have been having obsessive thoughts and feelings about a girl, but I was trying to move on, shutting down all the communication means I could use to interact with her, and I gradually started to get myself back on the right track. I started to see girls I was interested in, and they were fantastically smart, full of compassion and beautiful, which I need the most for a girl in my life. Even with the thought, there was a feeling lingering up in my head “I do not think I can love them the same way I loved the girl I am still having feelings for”. However, I was trying to move on and make some changes in my life by doing something I knew that was meaningless.
The day I went to the hospital to see my doctor, I had an appointment with a girl I had been seeing, but she cancelled it on me. It hurt, but in the same breath, it was good for me because deep down in the back of my mind, all the time I knew that she was not the one I truly wanted, but I was justifying to myself that she could be the one at the same time. If she had come, I would have definitely kept lying to myself and her as well, and I was also feeling sorry for her in that I had been wasting her time just to hang out with me. It was not fair to her since I used her in order to kill my loneliness. That was a trigger of my canceling all the meetings I had with others. They asked me why, but I never replied to them…
I needed “Me time and Me space” to clear up my thoughts and define what I wanted to get in my life and what I wanted to accomplish. I needed to take care of myself first to take care of others better. I needed to love myself just like I used to do.
All the people on the earth are only human beings, in other words, even they say they are tough, they are not. We are all fragile and cannot bear extreme stresses and pressures from outside. It is better if you have someone who you can trust and who trusts you enough to support you throughout tough times, but that is not that case most of the time. We need time to love and take care of ourselves.
I finally faced my inner voice that had been telling me the exact the same thing from the beginning of all the struggles up to now. When it comes to the point you ca not have any room for anything, all the opinions and perspectives others have to suggest you do not matter to you anymore.
And I also rekindled my passion to write articles which always help me to be relaxed and happy.
What I have learned through having “me time and space” is that I can not love more than two people at the same time, and even If do, it makes me sick to death. Furthermore, I noticed that time I have troubles with myself, I became weaker and weaker to the point where I can not have decent relationships not only with girls but also with my best friend. I believe that when those who are true to themselves and take care of themselves well finally meet one another, they will have a great relationship and truly respect each other without having any kind of fears or regrets.
I’m still in the healing process, but at least now I have been regaining what I need to complete myself, and start believing in myself again, and this is because I decided to talk to myself and take care of myself first despite the fact I have many people I would like to take care of first.
You need to love yourself in order to love others well, and it is your job to take care of yourself always.